Thursday, September 29, 2011



Vest H&M
Jeans Seven for all Mankind
Shirt Loft
Shoes Dansko


oh hai. Wonder why I keep kinda falling off the planet for a few days at a time? Dude I feel so OUT OF THE GAME. I am not a early 20something that fits in a size 4 and freshly out of school and going out on the town, I don't make fancy beautiful food, have huge groups of friends I hang out with and look photogenic. I am not INTERESTING.

The reality:
I have grey hairs.
I wore neon, stone wash, combat boots and arm parties the first time around.
I haven't fit in a size 4 since the 90s.
Dinner out for me involves fried food in a cardboard boat.
I think Evan Dando is hot.
I saw 16 Candles at the drive in.
I'm older than the teacher on Glee. (just a smidge)

I've been feeling out of it for awhile but the other day I saw a girl in a Blonde Ambition tour shirt. I thought OMG I HAD THAT SHIRT. Then I realized that she wasn't even born when that tour happened. It kinda took the wind out of my sails. Wah wah I know. Dude some days it is really hard working on a college campus. Seriously. The new kids born when I was in high school. What?

I started my blog for my mother. Seriously. It was to show her things. Then people started reading, then some more, then a few more. 9 years later I feel like I just don't have anything anyone would care to read anymore. Why would they? I wear the same shit all the time. I like the same music, style, foods and things for the past decade. I am not big into NEW THINGS, new trends, new music. I just am so out of touch I feel like I should go sit in my corner and hush up.

Pity party of one much? Does this have anything to do with my birthday being a week away. Damn straight. When did I get so old? Seriously? I didn't see it happening. I didn't know. Honestly. I only started to really feel it this past year as I find myself constantly rolling my eyes as I read other blogs. I think OH YOUR YOUNG. I am not that person that thinks things like that. Or I wasn't. I continually embarrass myself on my teenage cousin's Facebook page. I am that old person. I don't want to be. I want to be young and hip in that NOT TRYING sort of way.

OH cheesus don't mind me. I'm only turning 23. For the 11th time. (33)

I'm not looking for you to validate me. I just wanted to let you know where my mind was at. Age is just a number. I know. I do. Sometimes that number blows.


EvaNadine said...

careful, hillary.
while you are be,oaning your age, theres a red octopus sneaking up on you!!

(((hugs))) lady.
youre not a day over awesome.

Kasmira said...

You do seem to follow the beauty trends, though! I live vicariously through your makeup and scent experiments.

Heather said...

I so understand all of this. All of it. I just wanted to let you know that I was just talking about you to a co-worker and I was saying how you put so much thought into what you wear and how you wear it and that I really admired you for it because no matter what - you were ALWAYS put together and putting your best foot forward. As you know I stalk your blog and your flickr and as long as you continue to post, I will be one of your faithful readers.

byhillary said...

@kasmira. You think? I feel like I've done the same thing for years. I do try and learn new techniques all the time. I get so bored!

Heather Stalking would imply I didn't know you, you nut! If you are on my flickr you are more than a stalker. nerd.

evanadine they are crafty bastards.

whitneybee said...

I've been having a slight issue trying to figure out outfits for work that are office appropriate but still kind of casual (because I really just want to wear jeans every day). Just MINUTES earlier I was thinking, "I should follow Hillary's lead, she always looks work appropriate and she wears jeans!"

So please keep doing what you do over here. There are some of us 30 somethings out there who really appreciate it!

carolyn said...

Well crap, I've got 10 years on you … and I work in an elementary school library. The kids there are younger than my own!! I hope you keep posting whenever and as often as you feel like it because I enjoy your style and I can tell you that the 30 something's need someone to look up to. Trust me, as a 40 plus I am scrounging for people to follow. I WANT to see people in their everyday outfits, including the 300 ways they wore that same old blouse or skirt. Your blog is great - I hope you keep it up.

Cassykins said...

I will say I like your blog because you remind me of a mix of my bff and myself with a sprinkling of something completely unique from both of us. I also thought you were younger than both of us for the first while (she's a year older than me)

I think I personally get feeling old because she and I share a lot of friends, and a lot of said friends are just barely into their 20's. It's embarrassing to talk about music or tv and they just stare at us blankly because they were still watching Barney and finger painting at that time...

Di said...

You don't know me, and I'm not a fashion blogger, so who am I to say a word, but..

But, I think you are fabulous. You have a great style, and I LOVE that you work in comfortable cute shoes. And I'm way older than you. (I'll be 40 in a few months, if you don't think that's throwing me a looey, then well, you're wrong.

And I love your hair. Love redheads.

byhillary said...

@di I'm not a fashion blogger either! So say a word! As long as they are constructive words ;)

@cassy I thought you were a renaissance reenactor. Seriously.

@carolyn. Kids these days!

byhillary said...

@Whitney. Oh pish! ;)

Cassykins said...

Haha, I couldn't be a renaissance reenactor. I can't do an accent to save my life, but it's apparently really funny (for everyone else) to listen to me try

cwhf said...

For all the reasons you list is why I love your blog. I am celebrating the 9th year beyond my 29th birthday and I teach as well medical students as practice medicine and the kids make you feel so damn old sometimes.

But with age comes coolness. Trust me.

dotty said...

i always enjoy seeing what you are wearing BECAUSE you aren't all up on all the new things. you have such a solid personal style that trends come you to, rather than you running out to meet them. and i think that is amazing.

Be Fabulous Daily said...

I think by now I have new students who were born when I was in GRAD SCHOOL. Yes that's right. I'm so old, I wore bell bottoms the first time around as a kid in the 70s.

byhillary said...

@dotty me running is not graceful ;)

@cwhf I'm ready and waiting for that cool!

@befabulous! Me too! Toddler ones! It was so cute! Wish I had real ones now.

freeda said...

Ditto times three.

Stacey said...

I love reading your "shit" :) You are VERY interesting - I'm older than you joined the 40 club this year - so I know exactly how you feel. Love reading your blog and if you miss a day here and there that's your life and I respect that and will check back until you do :P

Marie @ Lemondrop Vintage said...

My bday does the same to me- but we do read your blog because even if you do rewear the same thing you do it so well. I always feel better when the bday is over and done with. Damn things.

Megan Mae said...

Love your curled hair - it's very "Zooey."

I may be a 20something, but I'm far from going out every night. I'm a nerd, so it's usually frantically doing school work all the time and spending free time reading or blogging or watching Star Trek.

I was downtown today, nearby my old high school when it was letting out. I'm still marveling at how young (and annoying) the kids are these days. I was also stuck on the bus going home with them.

mansionmogul said...

Totes agree with @cwhf - all the reasons you listed are exactly why I love your blog! 20-somethings are size 4 but they're a hot mess (at least I was). I feel like I didn't really figure out a lot of fashion/beauty stuff that works for me until just recently, and I love that you're always experimenting with style! Yours is one I really look forward to reading every day because you're so creative in a way that would actually be wearable. Inspiring!

D'Rae said...

Please don't feel bad! I am right up there with you, except I am turning 34. So really, I'm older than you and older than the teacher on GLEE.

I have grey hairs and wrinkles, wore all that stuff the first time around as well plus leggings and those stacked loafers that are in style right now, I wore them way back in the day, I've never been a size 4. I repeat my clothing constantly and am a very boring blogger. I don't even get mean comments!

So trust me when I say I that you are cool in my book!!!!! (see, I'm dating myself there.....)

Cara said...

So I'm a (late) 20 something size 4, and I love your blog because you're not a 20 something size 4. I've already passed the going out with my skirt so short my butt is exposed every night until 4 in the morning. Last night, I stayed up. Late. 11:30. Sorting out a little tiff with my husband. I know, it's like I'm a rock star! You're only marginally older than me, so you are a great role model for that transition from student to worker without losing a sense of style! (And it's true what @mansionmogul says: I'm totally a hot mess sometimes. Please promise that ends at 30!)

byhillary said...

Let me just say I am not calling out 20 something size 4s. I don't think there is anything wrong with that or anything. I am just not one. Not by far. That said.

@cara I wish. I am 3 years past 30 and I still am. I only show you guys what I deem the "good" Oy you should see the stuff I dont show you. no wait no you shouldn't.

@D'Rae we can get blinged out walkers.

@mansionmogul I'm still a hot mess many days. I am always askew. Today its my makeup. Its SOOO uneven. I think I did it in the dark. no wait I actually did.

@megan Mae see above. I am not saying there is anything wrong with all that. I am just not that and that is what some people deem cool. Even when I was all that I was not cool. Far from it. I hung out in the library instead of going out. Not because I was studious either. (well I was but it was my way of avoiding the fact I had no one to hang with)

@maire Mine is mired with other stuff too. My mom walked out on my dad on my birthday. urg urg urg.

@stacey thanks dude.

@freeda times four and five :)

Thank you so much everyone. Sometimes you just need to vent. It helps knowing others feel similar honestly.

Between Laundry Days said...

Oh my gosh, I cannot tell you how much I identify with this post. I've had all sorts of issues with the "why I blog" question lately. I actually think I have come to a decision about it, but my mind isn't clear enough this morning to actually articulate it. In any case, I totally know how you feel.

And to echo Evanadine, you don't look one day over awesome. :)

A said...

Hey Hillary,
I'm not a blogger at all, but love to READ interesting blogs of all sorts. You've been in my reader for a while. I keep you there because I appreciate that you wear the same things (hello-that's real life, and what real women do). You and I are also right at the same age, which I love because I want to read about someone who is in the same "life stage" as me. And finally you have a sincerity that comes with age, and it totally comes across in your blog. That trumps "hey I'm 20 something and going out on the town I'm so cool" any day. (at least in this reader's humble opinion!) :-)

Allie (Wardrobe Oxygen) said...

Girl, can I tell you how much I love this post? And YOU? I love your blog and continue to read it (though I have been a blog slacker lately) because you are REAL. You're not trying to pretend to be anything, you're just you and your you is utterly fantastic.

You know another reason why I love your blog? Because I have my own life (which also includes gray hair, cheap dinners, and being older than Will Schuster). I don't need to live vicariously through another's Instagramed version of one. I love your blog because it's like chilling with a good friend, an honest friend with great style, and a great way with words.

So keep rocking the real you, many of us find it to be a breath of fresh air in this current blogosphere!

Kuenz said...

I have always loved your blog from the moment I started reading it, and this post reminds me why: you are never afraid to be yourself, and to be honest. Thank you for that. Your posts and style sense will always inspire me, no matter what age you are. Keep up the great blog. I look forward to each new post you do!

Robin said...

I don't comment here much, but I want you to know your blog is one of my favorites. I actually love that you don't post contrived, sparkling, over-choreographed photos of your outfits and food and whatever. Your authenticity is very much appreciated.

I can totally identify with what you are saying in this post, though!

But what do I know -- I am a lame 30-something too!


Lonestarcasie said...

First of all...I am TOTALLY excited that the octopus is back. Second of all. I love your blog and your sense of humor. I don't know how old you are, but I was born in 1974 and when I realize that my best friend (who I met in college) and I have known each other nearly 20 years, it makes me sort of twitch a little. Realizing that you have or can mark doing/having/being something for a span of time that could hold the adult life of another person is sort of strange and unnerving. HOWEVER, I still feel like I am in college on the inside and I have made peace with the momentary panic I had that I was going to get too old for the way I like to dress (I decided to tell the world to stick it in its ear), so I keep on keepin on. 40 is looming out there. How did this happen to any of us?

amy von hawkins said...

I have been thinking about age a lot myself, and came by this quote that helped me feel a little better, despite also working on a college campus. Maybe you'll like this too: “Aging is not ‘lost youth,’ but a new stage of opportunity and strength. It’s a different stage of life, and if you are going to pretend it’s youth, you are going to miss it. You are going to miss the surprises, the possibilities, and the evolution that we are just beginning to know about because there are no role models, no guideposts, and no signs.” - Betty Friedan

Herbie the Hot Dog said...

I really like your blog. Its not as "bubble gum" as other blogs and I like that. I also like that you have the same porpotions as me, so I can copy you. :)

DaniellaBella said...

Dear Miss Hillary, your blog was one of the very first that I started reading. It was the one that made me think that I could do it too. I like it because it is real and real is better. Because I'm not any of those things either... And my birthday is in 2 weeks. I'll be 30. Whoa.

Jac said...

I rarely, rarely comment but this post made me want to.
What I love about your blog: you aren't a 23 year old size 4. You aren't wearing crazy expensive clothing or crazy oufits that most people cannot wear to practical places, like work. You are REAL, including dieting, have skin problems, gray hair, and getting excited about the simple things in life. We all have our down times and getting older is hard (I will be 33 in February) but keep your chin up because young or old feeling, you are pretty awesome.

Lorena said...

Well, for what its worth, I like reading your blog.
I like it when you try new stuff and I drool at all of your cupcake eating adventures.
I am not a big fan of aging either, what can i say, i hate my white hairs and i use make up remover and moisturizer. I dare not leave home with at least mascara and some gloss... But, i am happy to be around.
If i dont age i dont get to see whats next.

Amanda Checkersumthing said...

I work on a university campus and I totally hear you. I often get mistaken for a student myself, but well . . . I appreciate those moments when I get them.

I really enjoy reading your blog because you are very real person, not some overproduced shiny version of someone sort of like you. You don't try too hard, you just are. And I enjoy that! Plus I like seeing what you wear, it gives me ideas.

Jessica said...

welp, i turn the same age as you later this year AND i work on a ginormous college campus too. i employ 50+ undergrads that are all even younger than my youngest siblings. they're barely drinking age. it's a rough wake up call daily, and if it wasn't for the nature of my job i'm not sure i would have the excuses to get dressed up and blog either, but i'll take what i can get. plus, it keeps me on my toes, i think. it keeps me creative (and accountable) in my style choices and connected to whole community of wonderful ladies - like you - to boot.

but YOU - you are fiesty, stylish and unique. and that's worth sharing. =)

Surely Sonsy

Sharon Gaye said...

Hi Hilary,

I am 41 but I FELT the oldest at 32 so don't stress it. To me you are awesome and interesting. I really enjoy your posts.
PS: Happy Birthday!!!

Boutique Girl said...

I am a long time reader yet not often commenter on your blog!
I love your blog as I feel like you are a normal person. I like that you are not skipping around in big city. You talk about real life and stuff that I can relate to! Keep it up!

Boutique Girl said...

I am a long time reader yet not often commenter on your blog!
I love your blog as I feel like you are a normal person. I like that you are not skipping around in big city. You talk about real life and stuff that I can relate to! Keep it up!

Boutique Girl said...

I am a long time reader yet not often commenter on your blog!
I love your blog as I feel like you are a normal person. I like that you are not skipping around in big city. You talk about real life and stuff that I can relate to! Keep it up!

byhillary said...

Boutique girl. I know who you are I sent you a mixed cd remember?! (I'm still waiting for mine. ha!)
I do live in a big city and often skip I just don't do it in stupid high heels. I skip in flats ;)

Di said...

Duh - My word was awesome! I love the way you dress!