Redux

Not my best photos this week. I think I wore this exact outfit with different shoes last Thursday. It was clean!

Dress and hoodie Target
2 flower pins H&M
Gold flats Clarks



Dear friends and family,
I apologize for the constant hair touching. It has come to my attention recently that I am CONSTANTLY fussing with my hair.I knew I twisted it often but I didn't quite realize how often it was. I look like a tool. I probably leave little Hillary hairballs everywhere I go.
Signed
STOPTOUCHING hillary




Do you have any nervous habits?
Hair touching. Leg shaking. Pushing constantly on a hangnail. Flipping my rings around. (Family? Care to add any I am unaware I do?)

PS what is for lunch? (you know I ask so you can inspire me right?)

RAWWWR

Our new photo spot is about 25 feet from the ocean. Meaning there is usually some sort of breeze coming off the water and right up the street. That is normally wonderful unless you have bangs and are neurotic about how they are laying and look. :P



fix fix fix



dangnabit



fix fix fix ad nauseum



PHEW didn't think it was ever going to happen today.



I did a terrible job showcasing the dress. I cropped a dinosaur photo for that detail though. It has pleats at wrap and full flutter sleeves.



What is a dinosaur photo? I was pretending I was a dinosaur and went to attack Dave.



He thought I was doing Zombie and I thought I was doing crazed T-Rex.

I don't have many photos of previous wearings of this dress but I do have this gem.



I have been growing my hair since a month before that photo was taken. 3 years. That is how slowly my hair grows. That is the hardest hair cut to maintain and I had it for 30 years so (Dave H not my Dave) I am looking at you. Don't even try to talk me into it. :P I do like it. It's cute but it isn't me and who I am now. Feel free to comment on it but do not try to talk me into it or I will not publish the comment because I despise the "oh you looked better like this" comments. BACKHANDED. I had one earlier this week. :P

Ah Dress Loft 2007
Gold flats Clarks 2007
Necklace Banana Republic 2008
Bangles gift from a friend


How are you today? Do you have a blog you want me to check out? Pop a link below and I will add it to my RSS. I try to follow people's comments to their blogs but not everyone has a public profile.

Random Fact I decided recently if I were ever to go back to school it would be for paleontology. Dinosaurs are so much easier to deal with than coworkers.

with a dream and my cardigan

What goes on before I take the photos.



Blazer and pants Gap
Shirt Loft
Shoes Cole Haan Nike Airs

I was having slight not sure how to stand issues today.
So this one was OK but not quite it. I didn't know what to do with my hands.



The shirt is voluminous then I have on a fitted cami and I left it open most the way and a structured jacket and jeans. Loose shirts can so easily photograph heavy. I am loving my new spot but there is no where to put my purse because I don't want to put it on ground. (Dave was carrying 28 lbs of laundry on his back while he took these! He is a trooper!)

This was my clever hide the toothpaste stain on my pants pose.



and then I was just fidgety.



I rolled my blazer sleeves because I love to wear gobs of bracelets with short sleeves.



My earrings and necklace and shirt ruffles.



Did you see my post yesterday about being aware of where the stuff you buys comes from? Check it out if you haven't it is sparking interesting discussions.

Also did you see my Birthday Wish from you my dear readers?


What are you all up today? What is for lunch?

Locavore?

Lorena of My Everyday Wear did a fascinating post  today about eating a using local products avoiding products made in  China. My instant reaction and comment was I didn't know if I could. I  live in an area with what feels like 7 months of winter. I couldn't get  the idea out of my head. Then I remembered a few semesters ago Dave took  an entire class on being a Locavore.

From wikipedia
The locavore movement is a movement in the United States and  elsewhere that spawned as interest in sustainability and  eco-consciousness become more prevalent. Those who are interested in  eating food that is locally produced, not moved long distances to  market, are called "locavores."

I plan to talk to him on the feasibility of could we even do this. So  getting back to Lorena's post she went on to detail where the items she  used that day was from. I ran around my house and looked on everything  I'd used today. I come from a factory family. Every member of my family  worked at the local factory. They made the meters on the side of your  house that gauges your electricity. That factory is what put food on our  table the past 50 years. My grandparents met there. My mom worked there  when I was little. She bought me a pool with her first paycheck. Other  members of my family worked at other local factories. All of them are  almost all gone. They've been outsourced to other countries. It's really  depressing to drive past the factory in the middle of my home town.  It's run down and lifeless. 25 years ago everyone I knew worked there.

The first thing I had today was a drink at Starbucks. I have no idea  where the coffee was from but I can ask tomorrow. I also had a tiny pink  donut from there. Again no idea. (not off to a great start here.)

I brushed my teeth when I got up.
 


The package doesn't say! Oh come on! Really 3 things and so far I have totally fouled.



Make that four! I showered last night but I  used deodorant this  morning. The package gives no clue as to where it was made. (I shall  email the company!)

Then I used perfume. I was feeling nostalgic to Dave circa 1996.



This was made in the USA, ok this is getting better.

I also used makeup today.



My mascara was made in France. My Blush was from Italy, eyeshadows from Canada, concealer and lipstick from Belgium. But all are made by the same brand! Fascinating Eh?

For lunch I had a grilled cheese and fries. I had them at a place on  campus. No idea where they came from. But what I can say is this  particular place is actively trying to get all their food locally. I  don't know how successful they are at it.

I had a Pepsi when I got home.



Imagine my surprise that it was made locally! It's from here in Mass.

I washed my hands with soap from Guatemala.




For dinner I had last nights leftovers.



I don't have the information on the ham or potatoes but they were both  "organic" from Whole Paychecks I mean Whole Foods. I can only hope they  were local but I'm doubtful. There were no beans left but those were  from New Jersey which is 5 hours from here. I'm thinking that's not  "local". The corn bread. Now that I know where it all came from. It was  made by a nun in New Hampshire. Which is local. The cornbread was from  my inlaws company.

Lastly the clothes on my back.



My sweater is missing the tag but it's from Gap. I know they've  notoriously had Clean Clothes issues. It does appear to have a union  number in it though..... Dave made my dress so that local. My purse  which Dave is holding off camera was made in USA. The boots and belt?  Made in China. Damn I thought I was almost in the clear.

In summation? If I was a being graded on being a Locavore, today I would  of failed  I would of had a dress, Pepsi and cornbread.  This tells me I  really need to be more aware of the things I use. I have been trying, I  can say I do consciously trying to support small business but I need to  expand that focus to local as well. I need  to keep my local farmers  and shop owners in business. I don't NEED to buy something from the big  box stores. (but yet I do)

What are your thoughts on this topic? Are you aware of where your products are coming from?

I am very curious what others think about this.

I cooked! No really I did!

Dress Dave made
Sweater Gap
Belt Target



Yeah so um I am not even sure what to say. Last night for dinner Dave and I (yes I helped cook! Shush it!) We made Red, White, Yellow and Purple potatoes, A tiny ham with molasses, brown sugar, mustard and clove, baked beans and corn muffins. NOMTASTIC. I am beyond stressed at work. I am kinda into a new plane of stressedness. Stressosity? It is a library it shouldn't be frustrating. I dislike my new job. I want to create a virus that removes the reply all button from people's outlook accounts. OMWORD PEOPLE. Stop stop stop. I deleted 24 emails about a bagel. A BAGEL. I wouldn't even care if I didn't have such an email based job. Filtering the good from the goofy can be....well.. enough complaining. I have a job and I am grateful just venting so I don't say something I am not supposed to like at that meeting last week. (yeah um bad. Funny now but it was bad) **shrug**

My birthday is a week away. I am excited/I don't know. I love cake and celebrating and how Dave always makes me feel special. He has class this year on my birthday. Some how he didn't the past 6 years. I am trying to come up with fun things I can do by myself. My two "baby cousins" (he's turning 27!!!! and the other 17!) cousins , my oldest friend, my friend Annie and I all have birthdays within days of each other. Libra Power! My friend B is due that week!! WOOHOO!

How was your weekend?
Mine was quiet for the most part. I read a great deal and we went for Thai food and Watched 9 to 5 which I had never seen and was so cute. I love Dolly Parton and the movie just made me love her all the more.
I will leave you with some of my favorite quotes from her (not from movie) How can you not love her?

I look just like the girls next door... if you happen to live next door to an amusement park. 

It's a good thing I was born a girl, otherwise I'd be a drag queen.  

You'd be surprised how much it costs to look this cheap! 

I'm old enough and cranky enough now that if someone tried to tell me what to do, I'd tell them where to put it.

REVIEW Essie Merino Cool

Dude! I know I gush ad nauseum about my love for grey/purple/brown polish. Today will be no different!

Putty
Gruple
Brurple
Grewn
Purown

What ever you want to call it, I want to acquire it. Essie's Merino Cool is part of their fall 2010 collection. Essie retails for about $8 and can be purchased in salons and online from places like Amazon and the Essie Site. I got mine today at a nail place near my work. It applies nice and smooth an is opaque in two coats. Essie compares in quality to OPI and China Glaze but I find Essie tends to be a bit thinner then their peers. (This is not a bad thing)

I love the color and find it incredibly sexy. Perfect for fall. (and spring, summer and winter but I might be biased).





I totally took this photo on my lap on my purse on the sidewalk on my way home. Looks better than some of my sets I make for review photos! I will go put it in my Amazon shop as well because they tend to be so much cheaper than other places. It takes on a new hue in different lights. This is it in direct sunlight this afternoon. People always ask who makes my polish when I wear these colors. I love that others get the putty love!




What is your favorite polish color?

PS I cut my nails off wicked short. Feels weird since they had got pretty long. I broke 4 this week and they are sooooooo stained.

Friday! Woooooooooot!

My face looks slightly better. This is with makeup on it. OK it doesn't look that much better but I have to tell myself this. :)
Dress gift
Shoes Clarks
Sweater H&M



Someone asked to see the sweater the other day with the arms down. I usually put them on my hips because I don't know what else to do with them. Today we were ousted from our usual photo spot so we took them down the road a little. I didn't have my fence to hang my bag on so I am doing the awkward arm purse thing. I have my glasses in the other hand.



As I was walking to the T I noticed how neat the bridge looks in the overcast sky. It looks futuristic.



I saw these little buggers too. They are so ugly I love them. Waffle and Daisyboo would destroy them within 5 minutes though with all those feathers. As much as I joke they wouldn't do good in the wild they go nuts when they have feathers near them. Their attack instinct comes out in full force.



Do you have any plans for the weekend?

Mine involve sleeping. I am beyond over tired at this point. I spent so much of this week on a emotional roller coaster. I am tired and just SPENT! I need to catch up some because I am anemic and I don't want to catch the icky cold that is already going around up here.

Keep on keeping on

Why hello there.
I want to start off by saying thank you so much to all the amazing people who on the blog and via email sent me words of support and love. I appreciate each and every one of you. Today emotionally was moderately better. But work? Yeah so I've heard 3 people said they were taking up drinking today. I wrote 3 emails I will never send and I am kinda holding a grudge about something that is probably stupid but my feathers are ruffled!!!

Yesterday I took the long way home and had one of the worst dinners I have had in a long time. (This coming from the girl who called a smoothie dinner on Monday)



I got myself a little something too.



The SOFTEST most cozy hoodie from Aerie. I don't have an outfit photo. (forgot camera excuseexcuse) But this is my view today of my outfit!



So here is the bad. My Thursday thumbs down if you will


People keep staring at me. Probably because I look like a rotting banana. It didn't look this bad at home in my dark bathroom. I slapped a pile of concealer on it after this that I found in my gym bag.

Now for the thumbs up part. My eyemake up looks really good even through my glasses. (Which is a big deal if you wear glasses)



I have on three purples and a purple liquid eyeliner wing



These are all shadows from the Urban Decay Alice in Wonderland palette. My only complaint is one of them has chunky glitter in it and it is ALL over my face. I can't make it stop! I blink and it moves around. I sprayed it to set it and used a primer. I think I just won't use that one again because I don't like looking like a disco ball at work.

How are YOU my dears?

Here is another one for you... Do you carry any makeup with you to work? or in your purse when you go out? Do you have a small makeup bag? What is in it?
I only carry lip stuff with me but I am thinking to throw a concealer in my bag. I am glad I found that one at work because a friend confirmed it was pretty bad today. I also have really dark undereyes and by mid day I really need a touch up. But I have 5 lips in my bag. I cleaned my purse out 2 days ago too...

Warning heart spillage ahead.

First the good. This is what I am wearing.


 


*sigh* and here is the reality.

OK I warn you this isn't going to be a light and fluffy post. I was crying when I wrote this so excuse me if it goes astray (ah even in my tears I am a total smart ass)

You've been warned.

Today it has been six months. Six months since the man who raised me, my pop (grandfather) passed away. I was already in tears at 8:15am this morning. My friend and coworker said "why is today any harder than yesterday or tomorrow? Why does the time matter" I don't know but it does. It is a neon sign in my brain and it won't stop flashing. 180 days. I woke up and lived my life 180 times without my pop. I miss him so much. I can crying at my desk right now. This is insanely hard for me because I DON"T LIKE TO CRY. It isn't cathartic to me. It isn't something I am allowed to do in my family. Even now at 31 my father yells at me yes YELLS. Stop it Hillary get it together.  He said that the first time I cried in front of him a MONTH after pop passed. I had held out from crying in front of my family until then. Pop was the patriarch of our family. HE WAS IN CHARGE. That is just how it was. No one questioned it. (well my dad and uncle did by being wise as screw ups) how about this I didn't question it. Gram and pop took on their stereotypical roles. Gram cooked, pop ate it. Pop paid the bills, he dealt with eveything. EVERYTHING. The day after he died I assumed the role in command. I started pulling out the papers and I sat in the middle of the living room floor and read every single piece of paper he saved for 53 years of marriage. I organized it all, put it in files, wrote what it all was. I did it because I knew no one else knew how. As a few days passed my dad assumed the role of THE ONE IN CHARGE. He didn't want to do it you could tell. He wanted to just let me keep doing it but I am 80 miles, a state away. Legally there were too many issues so he is doing it all. Which is good, he should, he is eldest son. I am the only girl. I could of done it but it was breaking me down. I went from being the grand daughter whose pop moved heave and earth for to the one calling the car insurance company and fighting with the asshole on the phone. HE IS DEAD take him off the policy! AH! But 6 months on a lot of that is now squared away. My dad handles the daily stuff and I step in when she needs me. I balanced her check book last week. She had it to within a $1.20. I told her how proud I was. She went from never dealing with a single bill to keeping a checkbook balanced. She didn't think she could do it. She can. I knew it and now I think she is knowing it.

I had lost people before but never someone close to me. This has been 6 months of growth, pain and understanding. I am understanding who I am. I am learning what and WHO matters. I have lost a great deal of friends these past 6 months. I am not complaining. It is just a fact of life. People come and go and sadly it takes utter and sheer heartache sometimes to show you who really matters. In my moments of weakness I have reached out to people only to have them ignore it. I don't need them. Simple as that. (Or so I am telling myself) I also have become closer to others. My friend S. While we talked daily before now she is the one I go to when in the middle of the day I am crying because I smelled pop in a stranger. I have learned so much more about gram and pop. I've spent hours and hours sitting and talking with gram. Learning about their marriage and life together. Learning about my uncle w ho passed before I was born. Pop never talked about him. Now he is buried with him. He will keep him company. I have made me routines and it had brought Dave and I closer. I've let him into my brain and thinking more. I usually bottle my sadness up and sit on it until it hurts. But I have told him my irrational thoughts at 2 am when I can't sleep. It brought me closer to my mom. I don't think I am telling too much to say my mom and I weren't the closest the first 30 years of my life. We were too alike and way too close in age and generation. We were the clash of the titans. But that has changed. We are now closer than I could ever of dreamed of. I called her 5 minutes after I got the call about pop and said "I need you here NOW" she got on the computer and was on a flight 8 hours later. While there was nothing for her to do, she was there and I needed it. It was so mind boggling to have my mom and my dad in the same car driving on the same roads I grew up on. They broke up 27 years ago. It taught me that I could ask for help (It is one of my biggest faults. I don't ask for help. I am stubborn and self sufficient. So I say) and she was there. Telling me when I needed to eat a sandwich and giggling with me at the funeral seeing some long lost relatives and friends. I also learned how much people love my family. People came out the woodwork. There were  unmarked cakes and pots of soup on the doorstep. Food keep showing up and no one ever took credit. I know why people give food because the grieving family doesn't think about food and if it weren't for all those donations we probably wouldn't of ate anything. At one point I joked I really could go for something sweet and ding dong no joke a box of pastries was there 5 minutes later. I hope that I can be that person for someone else. Having received it I know how much you appreciate it.

I have moved past the angry stage and the sheer and utter reality has hit me. Only now 6 months on. Yesterday Dave said "it finally hit huh?" knowing that up to know I was in kinda denial. I was just angry and didn't want to admit to it. I still have some thoughts that take my breath away. Such as pop will never meet my children. That one hurts the most. Having pop in your life was like having a guardian angel.He was named pop because of me when I was learning to talk. But EVERYONE called him pop. I mean everyone. My friend, my dad's friends, casual acquaintances. Once pop had grandchildren he stopped being Bob and became pop. It was how he identified himself. I even put pop in the obit and for the funeral. No one knew who Bob was but everyone knew and loved Pop. It was standing room only. There is nothing he wouldn't do for me. Nothing. I was his only girl, his sweetheart. In a weird twist of fate I saw him the day before he died. He said "thank you for coming to see me sweetheart" and I hugged him and KNEW it was the last time. I knew as I let go of his warm strong hand it would be the last time. I didn't say anything to Dave because I thought he would think I was crazy. Hell I thought I was. I know some are wondering. Did we know he was going to die? No we didn't. He was 100% healthy with no health problems, wasn't over weight, weighed what he did when he was 17 in the navy and he has a heart attack that killed him instantly in the middle of sweeping. There was no way I could of known that day. I was supposed to be a baby shower that day but instead went for a drive with Dave and stopped in to see them. We didn't even tell them we were coming.

As shitty as I feel right now. This was cathartic. I apologize for those who are uncomfortable. I warned you. I am real, I feel. This isn't a shiny fashion blog where I just show you my clothes. This is my life, these are my emotions. While I do not share a good portion of my real life sometimes I just need to say something out loud. This was one of those times. I know there are a ton of grammar and spelling mistakes but I am not going back and editing this.

Vestage

Yeah so the vest in today's outfit photo? I would say it is the most used item in my wardrobe. What do you think? Do you have a wardrobe workhorse that you can't imagine your current clothing life without?