Tuesday, April 06, 2010

Tuesday break my heart

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Vest H&M 2007
Shirt Gap 2008
Trousers Gap 2010
Shoes Dansko Sissy
Dog tag Pop's WW2 Navy ones
Belt Found in pop's drawer. Gram didn't recognize it nor did my dad. But my dad has a similar buckle by the same company by the same year so I think he probably gave it to him for Christmas that year or something.
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Oh did you know I am a deranged bird?
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Words can not describe how tired I am. I am literally about to fall asleep on my keyboard.
I is tired wurk tooƂ hard
see more Lolcats and funny picturesI am in the hole 4 days sick time. I have 3 measly vacation days left for the year. I just need a damn nap. I have been running on pure adrenaline for 2 weeks now. Then again this weekend I won't be home to catch up on sleep. I am not saying this for pity more to explain my behavior as of late. I am so behind on blogs I am scared to even look at some. I worked so hard to get where I am and now I feel like I am sisyphus cat.
funny pictures
see more Lolcats and funny pictures
It is supposed to be 75 degrees today. But it is FREEZING at work. My feet are frozen.

How is your Tuesday shaping up? What you having for lunch? Dinner? I honestly want to know when I ask that.
There is a pink tree that only blooms for a week outside my window at work. It just bloomed in the past two days and it's already losing leaves. Look how pretty it is.
view out my window at work
I am not sure what my dinner is. I think lunch will be tofu pad thai. I think I will make a treat for Dave tonight. Any ideas? It needs to be Gluten free. Know any brownie modifications or fun flavor of cookies or something? Poor thing had his breakdown yesterday. I still haven't had mine. I think I am still in denial. I am scared actually I feel like maybe I am a unfeeling robot. I hurt but it isn't coming out of me. I am telling myself I have turned into Pop. I tend to take over the controlling role in situations and since our leader the patriarch isn't here I needed to do it. I have to be the strong one that makes sure everything gets done, people are eating and needs are being met. But no one is doing that for me. I also realize people who are grieving certainly shouldn't friggin tweet. I am so over the map emotion wise I just started deleting people yesterday. I don't care about your being sad it is raining or you got new rain boots. I have a fucking hole in my heart! (sadly literally as well as emotionally)

Sorry. I actually feel better, sometimes I need to just say things. If I make you uncomfortable I apologize. This is a lifestory blog. It isn't a fashion blog despite what some people think. I am real, I feel, I blurt it. It's by hillary. simple as that.

19 comments:

C Lo said...

Don't feel badly for how you feel. This takes a long time to process.

I'm probably having a protein bar for lunch and a salad for dinner....1st rehearsal tonight for my new show so I'll be running out as soon as work is done and will just need to grab something at the store.

I'm pretty sure I"m gonna get those sandals this year.

hillary said...

don't they feel retro? They seem to have more colors now too.

C Lo said...

p.s.

I always find it a weird feeling how, when you lose someone important to you, the rest of the world just keeps going on. Isn't it weird? Doesn't it feel like you want to stand outside and yell "Hey!!! Do you people realize what just happened!!??"

hillary said...

that is exactly how I feel.

Kayla said...

I'm sorry your facing such a rough road right now. Honestly no words will fill the hole, and only time can help. I would like to congratulate you for unapologetically posting as you please. This blog is by you, and about you so post whatever you feel like posting whenever you feel like posting. Besides, we're always here for you to vent to :)

Lorena said...

I am still laughing at your deranged bird picture... wow you CAN fly.
For lunch I am having soup that my husband made.
I am trying to eat less as all my clothes are tight.
Also I am kinda broke so i am trying to eat stuff I bring from home and avoid the little sandwich place by the corner...
Did I say that is a beautiful tree ? Nature never ceases to take my breath away.

D'Et said...

Hillary,

My heart really goes out to you every time I hear you talk about what you're going through. I know it's so hard when there are so many feelings... some come out and some don't. Sometimes the sadness takes over, sometimes the anger and frustration. You'll probably always have that hole in your heart, but you will find your own ways of coming to terms with it.

I agree with Kayla. We're always here for you to vent to.

Oh for dinner... this awesome pizza shop just reopened in town so we're going to order out tonight! I'm not a big pizza fan (and it's not really on my approved menu) but it's soooo good. I am so lazy when I have some of my friends over that have gluten-free diets. There's a bakery that specializes in that kind of stuff and I usually just pick up yummies. I wish I knew some good recipes.

:) D'Et

P.S. You look GREAT!

♥ Kenz ♥ said...

I don't have anything to say that can fix the hole in your heart, but I'm truly sorry it's there.

For lunch I had Fiber One Honey Clusters and fruit. Lazy lunch, I know..

And I have no idea what I'll eat for dinner. Last night we made Mahi Mahi with brown rice and zucchini. It was pretty outstanding so tonight will probably be chicken in some fashion..

Kelly said...

You do NOT have to be sorry. We're your friends here and I never expect you to clam up just for the sake of not talking about feelings. Everyone needs to let things out in hard times.

For lunch I am having a lean cuisine (I forget which one I even brought, some sandwich) and some leftover potato/cheese casserole thing that Erik's mom sent home with him after Easter. (His family lives a few hours away so we just decided to spend the holiday with our respective families instead of trying to do both this time.)

For Dave maybe you could make him some truffles? I've never made these but they look good and pretty fast:

http://allrecipes.com/Recipe/Tempting-Truffles/Detail.aspx

Kelly said...

P.S. That tree is gorgeous. How lucky that you have a view like that!

Kimberly said...

Love that belt!! Very cool!

For lunch - pretzels. No time to go out and didn't bring anything.

Dinner - left over grilled Turkey Tenderloin from Sunday and probably a salad or something.

Hope said...

I have no idea what I'm having for dinner, but there is a recipe on 101 cookbooks for amazing black bean brownies that are gluten free. They sound weird (and the texture is a little bit) but they taste pretty good.

Lisa said...

For lunch I had a turkey sub and chips, I haven't figured out dinner yet but I ate a giant cookie during class so I'm not really hungry.

Cara said...

I had an overwhelming craving for sweet and sour ground beef before lunch, and I searched campus, and couldn't find anything. I settled on a subpar chicken caesar wrap. I think I'll make myself some sweet and sour ground beef for supper, and make sure I have enough in the freezer for the next time I get this craving!

Karlee said...

I like so many of your outfits, but this looks like something I could pull off. I think it's wonderful the way your pop is inspiring part of your wardrobe. For lunch yesterday I had leftover pad se lew. When trees are pink like that I really feel like spring is here.

Heather said...

Blurt away.

kendra said...

a friend of mine started a recipe blog. She and her family wheat free, not gluten free. But her Brownie recipe is amazing, and we successfully made it with rice flour instead of oat flour. But she left off the baking soda from the recipe, which will turn it into a brick. If you make it, be sure to use a tsp of baking soda!

http://whattalithamakes.wordpress.com/2010/02/08/the-official-are-you-kidding-me-amazing-wheat-free-brownies/

hillary said...

thanks everyone. I appreciate it. I just am not one of those bloggers who hides all that stuff. It is more me and what I am really like in daily life. I mean I keep a ton private and don't give lots of details but some of it I just can't keep in.

chunkstyle said...

Great post, obviously I feel you on the vacation day/sick day front. Guh, it makes you feel like a prisoner of your job!!! At least we can fake it through a few weeks in the summer with the schedule :)
Losing people fucking sucks and it takes as long as it takes to process it all. Definitely don't confine your feelings to any set time period, it is all good.
Also great jumping picture haha, awesome.