Wednesday, April 14, 2010

It isn't love if it doesn't hurt.

IMG_9139
Dress Marimekko Bought at their store. for 80% off. (it was still spendy but it was worth it and it's silk cotton)
Shoes Clarks 2008
Watch Dave went backpacking in Europe with his sister in 1998 and he brought me back this Swatch Skin (its UBER thin) I have had to replace the band twice with replacements from Switzerland but it is one of my prize possessions. The first "expensive" gift he gave me too.
Jewelry see details below
Click to enlarge

urg argh. OK so I am not saying this for sympathy. I am just saying how I feel. I feel horrifically ugly today. The last time I wore it someone took out their anger for the world apparently on me. I know they are just some idiot and it really had nothing to do with me but apparently however unconsciously that is why I haven't worn it and why I feel so uggo today. The balloon sleeves feel ridiculous. I feel like it's too tight. I feel like I am showing too much cleavage and that the shoes make me look like a troll. I WANT TO GO HOME AND CHANGE RIGHT THIS MINUTE. I am just a very unhappy camper. Which sucks because I had loved this dress and thought I still did. I didn't know what shoes to wear with it either. Don't even tell me a tan might help. I will most definitely punch you in the throat. I am this color on purpose. Skin cancer is rampant in my family. If baby jesus wanted me to be fake orange he would of made me that way.

On that upbeat note. Can you tell I went a little nutso with the photoshop today? I finally gave up because I kept messing it up more. I took the pics at my desk and it was a little wonky so I started futsing. I think it came out funny.

This is a weird question and I never claimed I was normal or with it or well sane for that matter!
How do you deal with fair weather friends?
My mom always warned of the fair weather friend. How they were worse than enemies because at least enemies were upfront in their mean acts. For those who don't know what I am talking about I mean the people in your life that are only your friend when things are going good. I had a few "friends" who haven't said a peep to me since my Pop passed. It had been weighing on my mind and I was about to get over it when my gram said she was mad at her neighbor of 30 years for not sending a card. Then I thought HEY! She is right. Just say ANYTHING. Anything at all. Even HI. But in general how do you deal with them? Let me just say I have LOTS Of people who have been amazing and awesome and I love them so much. But the ones who I thought were my friends? Should I just forget about them and move on? Because who wants them in your life anyways when you have so many amazing people? yeah? Let me just say this is really touching a nerve in my heart so if you are mean I won't post it and I will probably find a way to block you because I don't want nor need snarky comments.

30 comments:

Heather said...

I never understand why people hide behind anonymous comments. Dumb and cowardly. Anyway, I made a comment over on Flickr and am standing by it - I like the shoes you are wearing with this today, also sleeves are not too balloon-y and I'm not sure where it is too tight. I do hope you regain you love of the dress though because you look so pretty in it!

Emily Kennedy said...

Most definitely not too tight. In fact I love how defined your waist looks in this. Definitely not too much cleavage either. And you definitely do not need a tan. Ever. Your skin is amazing.

Don't ever let the bastards get you down!

hillary said...

I can assure you it is very tight. You may not see it but damn if my ribs don't. It's where it's hitting on my torso doesn't matter how loose I tie it the way it hits me is annoying me.

Distractedly Yours said...

I think it's a lovely dress, and you look fab in it. I do think maybe some pops of color would make you like it more? Like maybe a bright chunky necklace, shoes, or cami? Turquoise comes to mind.

I'm SO with you on the tanning thing. You have beautiful skin. Tanning is gross. My mother had to have a large chunk of cancer cut out of her shoulder in the 70s. I'll never forget the huge scar. I was stupid about tanning when I was a kid, and I've had a few questionable moles. So far, so good though. Starting to be BFFs with my dermatologist.

hillary said...

distractedly yours:
No it had nothing to do with pop's of color.I tried all that. That stupid person's comments keep ringing in my head. No matterhow evolved I think I am, I'm not.

Suz said...

Well for one thing, you look great to me!

And about fair weather friends: some people are just that - fair weather friends. I have one or two of them and I can't stand it. But others just don't deal well with heavy situations and might not know what to say. I am one of those people. When heavy things happen in my life, I hole up and keep it inside. I've been like this forever so I guess I never developed skills for helping people through their heavy stuff. I guess what I'm trying to say is that some people are truly good friends but have trouble with situations like these. :)

hillary said...

suz I understand that but the ones I am referring to in this situation haven't said ANYTHING to me. Nothing it is like they are avoiding me. I do not accept that.

I am like that I don't know what to say and avoid situations but I CERTAINLY don't give people the silent treatment.

Maybe I am not making myself clear. I am not looking for condolences from people I WANT YOU TO NOT FREAKING IGNORE ME for 3 weeks. I don't care if you don't know what to say. say anything! How about them sox? Did you see this show last night? ETC!

Jess said...

I don't care what evil commenters say, I think you look adorable in this dress. It's classic but quirky and I think it looks great on you.

I had a lot of trouble with some fair-weather friends a few years back, and it still really hurts me deeply when I think about it. It got so bad that I ended up ruthlessly cutting people out of my life because they had proven that they didn't care and couldn't be trusted. It's totally horrible that you have people just flat-out ignoring you. I can understand that they might not know what to say to comfort you during your time of grief, but there is nothing wrong with just BEING there regardless of if you say anything, you know?

Little Miss Plump said...

I think some people have a huge problem with what to say when things like this happens to a friend. I was discussing this very thing with a friend of mine the other day. My mum passed away in 2008 (I still have a hole in my heart!) and my friend's mum passed away just before Christmas. My friend was saying, just like you, how angry and upset she was at people who were ignoring her (and people who asked if she was 'over it', when she returned to work!), but I was trying to tell her not to be too harsh with people, because, well, some people want to give you space when grieving. And some people really freak out and really don't know what to say. She thought that was unacceptable, as they are friends, and so should be there for you. But I wasn't so sure. Maybe I was being too nice and forgiving? When my mum passed, my closest friends were great, but there were some other people (work friends and other acquaintances) that never sent a card, or a text. Or even mentioned anything when they saw me next. Although I don't hate them for it, I don't class them as true friends.

Sorry for the long rambling comment!

Stay strong and remember your true friends x

Distractedly Yours said...

Hillary-I totally get it. I just try to remember that there are rotten people in this world that love nothing more than to make people feel awful, and I *try* not to take it personally. I don't always succeed.

hillary said...

little miss plump
I am sorry about your mom.

C Lo said...

I wonder if you would feel better in heels.

I know what you mean.......whenever I feel like that I DO, in fact, run right back in and change. A few times a month I get "Haven't you changed, like, five times?" from friends. OH WELL.


Fair weather friends: I'm trying very hard in life to stop having expectations of other people and to realize I can't change anyone. So, I generally just try to let it go.

EvaNadine said...

(((((((HUGS)))))))
i am so sorry about the loss of your pop, and the fairweather friends, and feeling blah about your look (thats what my post today is all about). sometimes it just seems like the tide is against you, doesnt it?

if you ever need to talk, vent, cry on a shoulder, or escape, you just let me know.
(((hugs)))

hillary said...

CLO but that's the rub. I don't know that I want to let it go. I just don't need them in my life at all I am thinking. Why waste time on people who don't care? Life is too short to waste it especially when I have actual real people who care.
knowwhatimsayin?

hillary said...

CLASSIC!


Hi Hillary! Here is your Daily Horoscope for Wednesday, April 14
Your mood could swing all over the map today, but remember to check your assumptions if you find yourself sliding into depression or boredom. You may just need to see things from a fresh perspective.


evanadine. Thanks. I am a blurter really. Sometimes I just blurt things out and feel instantly better. My mom is the same way.

Lorena said...

OMG... real Marimekko... the closest I have gotten to them was via a collection they did for H&M...
That dress is a killer. Killer in a super hot positive way!
But, I understand how you feel, really - even thought this is perfectly worn head to toe.
With these type of people, I rather not have them around.
In fact better now than later, that you know who they are. It hurts most of the time because you give so much that you tend to expect a little back...

jesse.anne.o said...

It's a very pretty dress so fuck that person. I'd like to see what they were wearing when they posted that.

I wonder if you'd like the dress better if you cathartically hemmed it? Might make it easier to wear with flats (adorable flats, btw, I love them) and make you feel like you've changed the dress enough to separate it from it's "old self"?

Kudos for telling the truth and saying the comment is still rattling around for you. I truly believe hashing stuff out is the only way to release it!

Kelly said...

Hillary there is NO need for you to feel ugly today. That dress is gorgeous, as are you. (I didn't notice the photoshop until you said it, by the way.)

Do people tell you to get a tan too? I HATE when people tell me that. I do not think tans look better and I slather on sunscreen to stay the color that I am. So obviously I think you look fantastic without one. I hate anti-pale people.

Distractedly Yours - my grandma had a HUGE chunk of her upper arm taken out from skin cancer. I could never forget that if I wanted to.

hillary said...

Kelly only the accessory photo is photoshoped. The one of me is out of camera. (cropped)
and thank you.

Work With What You've Got said...

I think you look lovely.

I have noticed that MOST of my "friends" are fair weathered (were) since Nathan lost his job 18 months ago. We are poor and we get sad and people dont want to deal with it, so they don't talk to us anymore. Not everyone, but a lot.

P.S. I bought some pettipants.

hillary said...

I'll talk to you! What you want to talk about?

I know how you feel. I've been there. My parents have been there my inlaws. It SUCKS. sucks hard.

Brian said...

I think the haters should all go hate on someone else cause you look beautiful in that dress and those shoes are perfect! That dress is adorable!

Fairweather friends can just wither up. I had a few like that and I don't even talk to them anymore. Deep down inside I will always wonder if it's me, but I know that it is them that have the problem. I would just stick with the good friends you have and try and ignore them since they are ignoring you.

D'Rae said...

Yipes! That last comment from Brian, was actually from me (D'Rae) I was logged in under him and didn't realize it...... Sorry about that! (you don't have to post it since it is his. I just wanted you to know how I felt.) Sorry about that!!! Forgive me?

Beatrice said...

Hillary, I love this dress. If you feel comfortable with alterations, how about raising the hem to RIGHT above the knee? I have a solid dress with long puff sleeves that I felt funny about wearing, but the shorter length balances out the puffiness, IMO. How about wearing boots (rich gray suede, or buttery black leather with solid tights), or maybe a silver metallic shoe or wedge sandal? Or wear it with a great leather belt?
Also, if you still feel uncomfortable with the sleeves, I think you can have them altered, like straighter, 3/4 sleeves, and save the extra fabric for little pocket squares? I dunno, just brainstorming.

Cara said...

People think you should tan? I was very definitely coveting your skin in the post with the pink dress!

It's always interesting when someone major happens to see who your friends really are: when I moved to a different province, I was really missing my friends back "Home". However, even though they are only about 4 hours away, the friends that are 7 hours away have come to visit me more often!

Sharon Gaye said...

I think the dress is beautiful and you look beautiful in it.
I'm sorry about your Pop. He sounds like he was a very nice person. Friends are the people who are there when you need them. I'd rather have one or two true friends than a 100 fair weather ones.

hillary said...

Thanks so much everyone. I am the first to admit I am being a bit over sensitive right now and let things get to me normal hillary would shake off. But maybe I shouldn't and I should clean house so to speak. Who needs distractions? I agree I have such wonderful friends forget the ones only around for the cupcakes!

Thank you all for putting in your thoughts I appreciate you all!

Vanessa said...

Hi Hillary,
I've only been reading your blog for a little while but I just wanted to let you know when I saw you I thought you looked STUNNING! I think I actually gasped, then felt a little sad that I will never own a dress like that. Imagine my surprise to hear you felt uncomfortable in it. I think if it brings up negative feelings, get rid of the dress, life's too short to feel bad. At the same time if you loved the dress before the negative comment, why are you letting someone who I'm assuming is not important to you, rule your emotions. Have a look again on a day you're feeling good, grief has a funny way of distorting our view of things.
You look beautiful, thanks for sharing.
xxV.

spygrl1 said...

I'm sorry that super-mean rude untrue comment is still hurting you! I would like to kick that person in the shins. The dress looks lovely on you!

I am a fellow pale person -- I NEVER tan. And I am always getting comments from people who think I'm younger than I am (I work at a university and get asked all the time what my major is. Um, it was journalism ... back in 1991-1995!).

I don't like the phrase "fairweather friends" because they aren't even really friends, are they? They are just acquaintances or former friends ... they are future strangers. I try to just move on from people like that.

Kristen said...

I actually think that dress might be a little too big for you, which is maybe why you were so uncomfortable in it! Seems like a lot of fabric going on, which you usually don't wear...just a thought. I like the dress anyway!

As for fair-weather friends, you know sometimes people don't know what to say and they overthink it and don't say anything, and then they think it's too late and it gets awkward. Not to say that that happens with everyone, but sometimes it does and it's worth giving them the benefit of the doubt.