Wednesday, February 03, 2010

My introduction into fashion.

Warning this is 125% rant. If you don't want to hear me whining just move along to pretty picture posts.

OK on Monday nights episode of Kell on Earth they did a shot over her shoulder where she was going over a guest list for fashion week. Then right there on my screen was my cousin's name. Now it isn't shocking because he is kinda a player in the scene but it was a bit of a kick in the gut emotionally to me. I am still not over what he did to me and his family. I want to be over it. I am starting to be. Because I don't feel the need to contact him anymore. I actually deleted him off my Facebook because I couldn't stand seeing his smug face anymore. Lets call him S. Well he is kinda an asshole. OK not kinda he totally is. He doesn't care about anyone who isn't
1. Gay
2. Rich
3. Famous
I didn't come up with that. His own brother did.

I actually wrote this in 2008 in a different place.

When I was little I IDOLIZED my cousin. Oh man I wanted to be him. He at 14 and a freshman in highschool bought Madonna and boy George records and I at 5 begged my parents for Madonna and boy George records. (this was 1983 when they were HUGE!) S wanted to be a fashion designer I wanted to be a fashion designer. His mom bought me this little art set you put different plates in, one for tops one for bottoms to make little "fashions" and then you put paper over it and rubbed it with a crayon. I thought I was "designing" S went to school for fashion design in the "big city" Boston and I went to all his student shows and swooned. S got this asymmetrical bob with curly hair I begged my mom to do exactly the same to mine.
Why you shouldn't take hair cues from gay men.

(she did) I wanted Izod shirts to wear with the collar up when I was like 7 just like S did. My mom sewed alligator patches on shirts and told me it was Izod (back when Izod was what is now Lacoste) S's family (my aunt) had money so they always had such beautiful fancy things. S's mom Aunt C had a Louis Vuitton bag and I loved the smell of it. Chanel no 5, jergens, mint gum and leather. I know that smell so well.
Well I also idolized Audrey Hepburn I thought she was the ultimate in stylish. So Breakfast at TIffany's was to me the ultimate. I remember S having Tiffany carrier bags in his room from presents he had bought his mom while he was in college and I told him how jealous I was. (I was like 12) So S gave me one of those bags and signed it "from your favorite cousin, S" (I didn't realized what a pompous ass he was!) I still have that bag. I will never get rid of it. Its moved cross country with me 2 times and to 13 apts/houses. (on a side note when I was 10 Aunt C bought me my first fake Louis Vuitton purse, it had M's on it. I didn't understand it all but I loved it and thought it was special.)

I copied a part of the original post. It wasn't all pertinent now.
Basically the more "famous" he got the more he pretended he didn't know me. The final straw was my wedding. He RSVP'd no. Didn't send a card, a note just sent the RSVP back NO. My family was flabbergasted. I mean he and I were best buds. EVERYONE knew how much I idolized him. 3 months after my wedding our aunt died. We were both at the funeral and I was nervous to talk to him. I am a blurter. I say things I don't mean to say aloud. Dave was there holding my hand because he knew how hurt I was by S. So S walks up to me and says HI kiss kiss hug hug. Dude we are from New Hampshire COME ONE with that bs. Our wedding comes up and he goes "oh I didn't know you got married" You could of knocked me over with a feather (I am trying to fit as many bad cliches in that I can. Am I annoying yet? God I hope so) I said to him as calmly as can be expected from me (I have a temper)
Yes you did you RSVP'd no and didn't bother to say why.
Of course he saw someone across the room that he simply must catch up with.
argggg but you know what his brother K did? He came to my wedding. He hugged me and smiled and wished me luck. He was THERE. I didn't truly appreciate how awesome K was. I always looked up to K but I must admit S was always #1 in my book. But you know he didn't deserve to be. For that I am sorry K. I love you and admire you and I wish we could see each other more.
(I am fucking crying. GAH I DON"T CRY! But this feels good. I needed to get this out)
This past summer at the family reunion? Yeah S didn't show up. Possibly the last one we will ever have and he didn't come. His mom my aunt came up to me and was all S this and S that and S and his partner and blah blah blah like he was the most amazing person ever. If he was so wonderful he would of been there. Not in the Hamptons. Just saying.

I wouldn't be who I am today regarding fashion and such if it hadn't been for him. So in the vein of growing the fuck up I can say I am better for have knowing him and I have learned from my experiences. But the more famous friends he made the more he snubbed family. His own brother isn't on speaking terms with him. (he is the one that came up with the list above) He bites the hand that feeds him, doesn't know what side his bread is buttered and he shit where he ate. He burned his bridges when it came to his girl. I am OVER HIM. I need to be. He doesn't deserve the thought.

Thank you for letting me vent. I just needed someone to hear me and now I can move on.

PS I could link you to him on the web but he doesn't deserve the traffic. :P


Dave77459 said...

Clearly, H, he doesn't deserve you.

Beck, At Her Best said...

Thank you for sharing your rant. I for one dont think it sounds whiny at all - You make a valid point. I think most people can relate to having someone in their life who acts the way "S" does. Unfortunately not everyone has the clarity that you did to say "fuck them" and cut a toxic person from their life.

Emily Kennedy said...

Aw Hillary. That's seriously lame. I'm so sorry that someone who had such a rad influence on you can't be a better grown-up. Your life is better without him, because he sure doesn't sound like a very cool person.

Candycane said...

I have a cousin just like that too - he hangs with the "cool people" now and also didnt even bother to RSVP my wedding invite ... although his dad, my uncle, mum's brother is even worse!!!!!!

On a yey point I had a fashion wheel 2 they were the best!

Glad you ranted and got it all out - now you can move on :D

CC xXx

Cyn said...

Hillary, he sounds like a cockmaster. And not in a way that might be flattering to a gay man.

You can't choose your family, but most of the time you get a few people who are genuinely wonderful. It sounds like he's really taking those good people for granted.

Lorena said...

I am sorry this happened to you but the good part is that you let it out, which means that although painful, it will pass.
I had a cousin crush in high school and he TORE my heart apart when he turned me down for prom.
I cried for hours non stop, it was so painful that only recently (note this was in high school) I began to let go.
I saw him last at an aunt's funeral and was so happy to see that he was fat, balding and had an ugly wife.

Sal said...

Ugh, nothing like betrayal to wound you for life. I'm so sorry this happened to you, H, and that someone who shaped your life is missing out on seeing how amazing you've become over the years. Hopefully he'll realize his mistake someday, when being a famewhore kicks him in the gut, and apologize. Then you can either smack him upside the head, or welcome him back into your life ... whichever feels right.

Andrea said...

oh, that sucks! i can't imagine how you must feel, or your entire family, but it sounds like you are making the right decision about him. You see these sorts of people in movies, but never think they are real. Someday I'm sure he will learn his mistakes :)

Kelly said...

I'm glad you wrote this out. It is NOT whiny it is an important part of your life and who you are. I can't believe he would act that way toward his own family, especially someone who he was so close with for so long and who clearly spent a lot of time adoring him.

Chelsea said...

I know it's been said, but obviously dude doesn't deserve you in his life, and you don't deserve the heartache. Good for you for growing the fuck up and realizing you don't NEED him or even WANT him in your life anymore. Time may bring him back around, but then again it might not. Glad you're prepared either way :)

Beatrice said...

Wow, so sorry you had to go through that crap. It must hurt especially so because he is family (and not, say, a former BFF). Good for you for venting and for moving forward.

hillary said...

thanks everyone! He is a fucktard. I don't need him why would I when I have all you!
You can't pick your family! But the family I am making for myself is pretty damn awesome.